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April 1, 2014

Why Mark and I aren’t going to be friends for a while.

zuck-black2

Mark Zuckerberg birthed a baby named Facebook on February 4, 2004. Let’s just say the world hasn’t been quite the same since. No doubt his brainchild created a nice bridge to connect humans. But that’s just the thing, nice isn’t always best. I’m taking a Kit Kat Break from Mark’s Human Library for some of the following reasons:

  • I check notifications too often. It’s kind of like homework seeping into the cracks of your free time. When you check something off the list, another gweedy weed comes up through the sidewalk.
  • There’s ample pseudo spam in the mess. It may not be your typical email from India spelled horrifically incorrectly touting a product you would never purchase. (Think Sky Mall on steroids). I mean c’mon, incessant event invites from splices of humanity you met once? Irrelevant photo comments your friend’s socially impotent Aunt Matilda?
  • Then there’s the news feed. (More like Gluten Free Puns and Hot Links to Next Door’s Organic Wit) In farmers‘ terms (Farmers: the guys in the process before Trader Joe’s) it would be akin to harvesting your pristine field and meticulously scouring every square inch for forgotten fruit. This can lead to monopolized machine mouths munching mindless motion and a quaint vacation to Scroll City.
  • Harmless stalking. Yep. You know it. That person you just met is in-ter-est-ing. And you wanna know more. Buuuut…You don’t wanna bug ‘em. So you’ll just find out their hobbies, religion etc from their profile page. Oh and, you can also see how they look from different angles and in various lighting by entering their cyber closet which has 1,400 pictures.
  • Facebook is on the road to artificial omnisciency. It’s synced to your phone. It’s synced to other websites you visit. How long before it’s synced to your brain?

This is dramatic. But there are kernels of truth in what I’m saying. We all interpret differently. Adding or Subtracting? This is just my interpretation of it (It being Facebook for those of you who didn’t start reading from the beginning).

I immediately felt freedom after deactivating my account. A subconscious weight composed of bits and bytes was lifted. This expec…

*****INTERMISSION*****

tation for me to check it, to feed it like a needy pet.

Summed up in two words: Useful Distraction.

For now, “Useful” is blurry around the edges and ”Distraction” is crystal clear. And no, I don’t need to visit Facebook Anonymous. “Hi I’m Nathan.” Last names are kept private so as to help recovering addicts resist the temptation of looking each other up on FB after the meeting.

Granted there are a plethora of productive pluses. If there weren’t, it wouldn’t be so popular. I won’t necessarily be in internet purgatory forever.

But, after changing Mark’s baby’s dirty diapers for a while. I need a babysitter so I can go on a date…maybe bird watching with Twitter.

*The views expressed in this article are not necessarily the views held by the author. But the views are held by something as things can’t float in mid air according to the properties of physics.

About the Author: Nathan Puls and his 0 wives and 0 children can be found rolling on the hills of California with their imaginary scooter named Carlankl.

Acknowledgements: Airplane Pilots. Because they don’t just make the world go round. They go around the world.

Another blogger gives reasons she deactivated

Comments

  1. Terry Sue

    I guess I’ll have to look up your blog for my entertainment. BTW, everything you said is true….as you know, I’m on here way too often!

  2. You can also like my Facebook Page and then my posts should show up on your News Feed: https://www.facebook.com/SayingThings
    And I’m on Twitter as @nathanpuls: http://twitter.com/nathanpuls
    Everything gets posted there! Thanks for reading!

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